My baby is now 5 – her birthday was actually at the beginning of the month, but it has taken me this long to be able to organize my thoughts on this monumental day.
When she turned 1, DH, JB and I were living in that tiny, cramped apartment and EB was still in China. We got a little grocery store cake and had a little celebration. I have a video tape of JB singing “Happy Birthday” to EB. At 3 she did not understand that we were only taping her. After she was done singing she came over and asked to see her baby sister. She must have thought the camera was a live feed to her sister, or something. I was so sad that day. In all her pictures she looked so sad. I longed to see a smile. Four years later she was prancing around out house, showing off her new Leapster, playing with her new Barbie and just being adorable. When she was placed in our arms she was so sick and scared and deep in mourning for her caregivers. She is so different now! She flirts outrageously (I refuse to comment on where she got that talent), she has an impish grin, she loves pink and lavender, she has to always have a “boo bankie” (blue blankie – a blue microfiber cloth) in her hands when she is tired. This child that arched her back when she was placed in our arms now limply melts into us as sleep claims her. She is my little faith baby.
But these days are bitter-sweet , because my mind invariably turns towards her belly-button parents – the ones who created her, the first persons with whom she had a bond. These people hover in my mind and heart as I know they do EBs. These are the people who gave her that incredible smile, those expressive eyes, her infectious laugh, her ear piercing squeal, her tender heart, the angel kisses on her neck and cheek, her amazing problem solving abilities, her wicked sense of humor. These are people that I will never be able to thank enough for giving her life, for making her the unique and lovely individual that she is.
I wish I had some profound words to close this post. But like most parents, the more that I learn about parenting, the less I realize that I know. And that goes double as an adoptive mom – how do I foster a sense of pride in their ethnic heritage, how to navigate the emotions of being adopted and not living with their belly-button parents. Daily I ask for guidance from God, who took the broken or messed up parts of our lives and put us together to form our unique family. I pray that I can return the gifts to my children that they have given me – hope and faith.
The day after Thanksgiving. Growing up I was not allowed to play any Christmas music until we returned from my big extended family Thanksgiving dinner. Once I married and life became very busy we started putting the music on and the tree up Thanksgiving weekend. A few years ago (about the time we came home with JB), my hometown started having a lighting ceremony of the all the lights on the town square the Friday after Thanksgiving. It has now become our tradition to either go to the lighting or walk the square that evening after the festivities are over and the crowd is gone. This year we went for dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant, then headed down to walk the square, which is transformed into a white light fairy land for the season. There is also one side of the square that has been remodeled into a mall while preserving the exterior facade of the old buildings. They decorate the halls with blue and white lights and have lovely decorations throughout. But the best part of this building, as far as the girls are concerned, is the glass elevator that goes all the way to the 3rd floor and then down to the basement where there is a waterfall. This year, right in front of the waterfall, the Man of the Season was there. Both girls actually talked to him – a first for EB, and our first time of getting a picture with both of them. As we walked along after visiting Santa, cheeks rosy from the cold, JB trying to open every paper/magazine dispenser around the square, EB eyeing all the jewelry store windows, and all of us looking in wonder at the fairy lights, I got a little teary. I am so blessed to have the miracle of my girls, to know their love and to have a heart full of love to give to them, and to share this season with them. God is good!
Over the long weekend I had several posts written in my head. My problem was lack of access to a keyboard. There has been so much that has occured in my family that have affected us all. Let’s start with the bad news. My mom called to ask me my opinion on some symptoms my uncle was having.
I need to clarify what my uncle means to me. He is my mom’s oldest brother. My mom’s father died when my mom was still a teen. My uncle has been the closest thing to a grandfather I have ever known on that side of my family. He loves all of his neices and nephews and has always been supportive of all us. He has always been protective of us. One time, when I was still in HS, I was unsure if I was being followed home from work. I knew my parents were not at home, so I pulled into their driveway and went into their house for awhile. He could see our driveway from his porch. When I finally went home that night, he stood on the porch and made sure that no one followed me home. He told me later – they may have followed me down the drive, but they would never have made it back out. He has always been a constant in my life. When my girls came home from China, he was waiting to meet them and admire them.
So when mom said he was having some serious symptoms I told her my advice would be to get him into the emergency room. He did not go that night, but did follow up the next day where they found some very concerning results. He went to surgery the same day and the news was not good. This was the week before Thanksgiving. He was to follow up with an oncologist Thanksgiving week. It was a long weekend for the entire family.
The Monday before Thanksgiving my uncle gets a call with the final biopsy results. They were much better than expected! Chemotherapy should be all that he needs! We all gathered for Thanksgiving dinner with very full and Thankful hearts! We gathered at my cousin’s house. It was my aunt’s turn to host Thanksgiving, but given what was going on, she was more than a little stressed. My cousin jumped right in and offered her house. She is always so gracious about hopening her house. She is a gifted hostess and we all had a great time. I always love getting together with my extended family. There was another reason to celebrate as well! My cousin announced her engagement! I am so excited for her. I love her so much and wish her all the happiness in the world!
So ther eyou have it – the bad, the great and the Thanksgiving!
